It is time for UFC 109: Attack of the Geriatric Fighters. I predict Couture will win by Rear Naked Peruvian Walker Choke. There is a draft here that is killing me. I am freezing my tookus off. I will be putting my coat back on at some point. Oh, and the maid of honor from Boo-Bear's wedding is here. She is pretty much hot. Good thing I was the best man he could find. Winkwink.
I have officially seen it all on Fight Night. A dude just walked into the place wearing a kilt. Wow. Don't really know what to say.
The hired out beer girls are here probably for Mardi Gras. They're wearing blue shorts, so I'm assuming Miller. One has a tattoo on her stomach that her little white shirt isn't covering. Klassy. Oh, they gave us beads because Dbiz offered to flash them. I think they were bribes for him not to. I was wrong. It's Bud Light. Six of one crappy beer, half dozen of the other crappy beer. We were social with them, though. They were pretty cute and both of them had fantastic racks. Shirley is rocking the Unabomber beard. Except his is really scraggly and it just looks horrible.
Oooohhh... Half asian girl with very nice assets just walked past. Too bad she's with a ****. So there is a table next to us with an average age slightly above Couture's age. And get this: They're all wearing Affliction crap. Seriously, people? You get out of the nursing home for one night and you bust out the Affliction? Pathetic.
We wonder if the winner of Couture/Coleman will get a win bonus of an extra Social Security check. Or maybe if one gets a KO/Sub/Fight of the Night, he will get an extra cup of Jell-O or pudding. The title of this event is "Relentless." Yeah, a swollen prostate will make your bladder relentless. But they make old man medication for that. Dirty Boxer is a sponsor. That doesn't sound like a sponsor, it sounds like an Urbandictionary.com entry.
Beer girls just wandered past again. They're still pretty hot. They also still have nice racks. Shirley may or may not have been pre-gaming. He may not make it the whole event. I didn't recognize Frank Trigg with hair. Interesting. Serra comes out to the Rocky theme. Nicely done, Mr. Serra. Wow, I didn't realize these guys weren't spring chickens. Trigg is 37 and Serra is 35. I wish I could recap the conversations we just had about Shirley. Site censor would go nuts. Or should I say the site censor would go nut. Pardon the pun. That was a great knockout by Serra. Shirley is still pulling for Trigg. Yeah, I would say he was pregaming. Just a liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittle bit. I am setting the over/under for rounds Trigg has left in the UFC at five and a half. Discuss. Happy birthday to the daughter of Matt Serra.
Mark Coleman looks like he should be warming his hands over a flaming barrel under a bridge downtown. Shirley saw that Maia prefers chokes and immediately his mind went somewhere the site censor won't permit my words to go. I'll just put it this way: either think of chickens or David Carradine. Aaaaahhh... It's the Mazz. Hello, Chandella. How you doin'? You're no Natasha or Logan, but you'll do. I will not choose against a Miller brother. Now where are those beer girls? I'm sure we could find space at the table for them.
Next UFC invention: a sensor in the cups to detect Joe Rogan Nut Shots (trademark pending). Maia looks like he's developed something resembling a striking game. That's not good for most of the non A.Silva, non-Marquardt members of the 185 division. I hate to say it, but Miller might almost have better luck at this point taking his chances on the ground. Suffice to say, this will not be Fight of the Night.
I would not be surprised if Brian Stann was pissing blood tomorrow. Physical comparisons of Phil Davis to a mega-sized God St.-Pierre are quite apt. The styles aren't entirely different, but GSP's striking is much better. Of course, Davis is much younger, so he has time to learn. That was a really really REALLY impressive debut.
Well, we apparently have a Mike Swick fan at the bar. No accounting for taste. She's drinking a pink lemonade, so I'll just kind of leave it at that. This has been a boring fight so far. Dbiz just yawned. I completely agree. But I think that's the first time I've seen a D'Arce choke from the top. Quite impressive.
Did you ever notice Rogan and Rogaine aren't too different when you type or say them? Just saying.
I think Chael Sonnen is the ManBearPig of the 185s. That was brutal to watch. And here he comes again. I'm not sure Marquardt really knows what to do with this. I have never seen Nate get mauled like this. And now Sonnen is bleeding like a stuck ManBearPig. I don't see how Sonnen is going to beat A.Silva doing this, but he's just beating the tar out of Marquardt. Maybe he'll smother A.Silva the exact same way he's doing to Marquardt, but I'm not putting any money against A.Silva. That was a really good fight.
Skinny moron in the crowd with a Che Guivara shirt. I suppose there are no standards for getting into these things. It is time for the main event of the evening.
These guys were both born during LBJ's presidency. I would be willing to bet no one on here was. Of course, I'm also not sure how many people know who LBJ was. The referee will be someone who went to school with both of them: Imhotep. I think Randy sat behind God in third grade. Of course Coleman sat behind Noah, so so real advantage there. When Randy was born, there were only four elements: earth, air, fire, and water. Of course, when Coleman was born, there were five: Randy's four plus aether. Randy convinced the scientists of his era that the earth was round. Coleman survived the Spanish Inquisition. Randy travelled with Marco Polo to China. Coleman was Christopher Columbus' bodyguard. Both Randy and Coleman were in *mythological wrestler*'s training camp. Both Randy and Coleman hid in the Trojan Horse. Randy is Methusalah's first cousin. Both of these guys rode with Genghis Khan in the horde. When Hannibal's elephants were struggling, Couture carried the Carthaginian army over the Alps. What, was Ric Flair unavailable for this fight? I agree with Dbiz. I don't think either of these guys will intimidate anyone. We're just saying. Coleman was Alexander the Great's most trusted advisor. This fight is brought to you buy AARP. Both of these guys are almost eligible for a Golden Buckeye card. I bet they both still remember the genesis of the "talkies". I wonder if the UFC had a hard time constructing an Octagon that is handicap-accessable.
At lunch on Sunday, we were talking to Ma Biz about the fights and when informed of the ages of the headliners she asked, "Were they in rocking chairs?" Gotta love Ma Biz.
Wow. The Mazz didn't screw a fight up tonight. Is it bad that I'm surprised by this? Oh, well. Mark Coleman told Tito to #$@% off and called him a D-bag? I have a new hero.
HOLY CRAP!!!! THE MEXECUTIONER!!!!! We saw him at Bellator. I think Rolles Gracie is the red-headed step-child of the Gracies. He fights like crap. I feel kind of bad, though. If your last name is Gracie, it's almost like you're expected to be a fighter. Kind of like if your last name is Kennedy or Bush, you're expected to be a politician or if your last name is Hull, a hockey player or Jordan to basketball. If you're not up to snuff, you just look bad even if you're still decent. Holy crap, Rolles Gracie looked like complete crap after the third minute of the first round. Ugh. Although I still think one of the worst fighter names in the history of fighting is "Mexecutioner".
And with that, this recap and possibly Mark Coleman's career are over. See you all later on the silly pages.
